Saturday, March 10, 2018

The Thug Life Unicorn Posse

The Thug Life Unicorn Posse is a 90 minute horror/comedy written in the same spirit as the brilliant British film Shaun of the Dead.  The script was inspired by a version of this tattoo.

LOGLINE:  Bloodthirsty, beer guzzling unicorns terrorize the town of Chester.  

One stormy night at the zoo a depressed rhinoceros is freed from his pen by a mighty lightning bolt from heaven.  While enjoying his newfound liberty the rhino wanders through town to a horse racing track, where he enters the stable and mounts the fillies.

A few months later very colorful unicorns start to appear around town.  They are about the size of goats and extremely agile.  Several wander to a bar one night and drink some beer out of half empty bottles stacked in boxes behind the bar.  The unicorns very much enjoy being drunk, and in their search for more beer they look through the window and into the bar.  It is closing time and two drunks with extremely distended beer bellies stagger toward the rear exit.  When they come outside they are promptly gored by the unicorns, who feast on the beer and blood that gushes from their bellies.  This is the moment when unicorns also discover their unquenchable thirst for blood.

Word goes out like wildfire, and after a hunter and his son are gored in the woods the town hurriedly evacuates in fear.  There is an overhead shot of the traffic lined up to leave Chester; the viewer also sees a few odd cars trickling into town.  Daring people are flocking to Chester hoping to trap a unicorn for a variety of reasons: as a gift to a daughter; for sale to mysterious Asian buyers; to capture one for a trophy, either whole or the head or even just the horn; and for use as an aphrodisiac when lovers drink from the inverted horn.  

They all stay at the Chester Inn, where the psychotic innkeeper lives with his two daughters.  The innkeeper rules his hotel with an iron fist that instills fear and respect in most of his guests; then the innkeeper quickly becomes caught up in the hunt himself.  More characters are gored in very unicorny ways while several of the shallowest romances ever (to aspire) to grace the screen play out.  

Charlie, the bartender of the place where the unicorns first discovered their love of beer and blood befriends the little critters with cherry lambic beer and cow's blood.  While the unicorn hunters are getting killed by unicorns, and humiliated by the psycho innkeeper, Charlie hires carpenters to expand his bar into a tourist trap:  Charlie's Brew BQ and Unicornutopia.  

Charlie saves the day for the few surviving characters and the film has a happy ending that invites a sequel.  

Here are the first few pages of the script....

The Thug Life Unicorn Posse
A film by Robert Charest


A rhinoceros lies in his mud bath looking dejected and depressed.  It is raining and the audience cannot discern if the droplets running from his eyes are raindrops or tears.  As he lies there the rain intensifies.  There is a crash of thunder followed by a mighty lightning bolt that smashes the rhinoceros’ pen, leaving a gash of rubble in the concrete wall.  The rhino gets up, ambles over and inspects the heavily damaged concrete wall, then begins to dislodge and remove the freshly broken stones with his horn.  He then moves alongside the wall and smashes it with his backside, eventually picking and bashing his way to freedom. 
Show a collection of scenes of the rhinoceros: outside the zoo looking back through the rain…then walking down the road…wandering through some backyards…and across a field…and alongside a river…all in the rain.
The rhinoceros wanders out of some trees and onto a horse track.  He roams to the middle of the racing oval and gazes about the place.  Then his eyes light on the stable in the distance and he rumbles toward it.
The rhinoceros enters.  Several fillies are in their stalls.  Some are standing with their heads out and some with their tails out.  The rhino scrutinizes and licks one’s face then sees a tail sticking from the next stall and turns his attention to it.  He sniffs it then lifts the tail with his horn.
Several mares are lying on their sides giving birth to baby unicorns.  The unicorns are various colors—white, orange, red and purple.  They can be mottled or plain and have rainbow colored horns.  Make them so cute that everyone will want a stuffed one for Christmas.
Six unicorns are frolicking in a flowery field.  They stand a little more than waist high to an average male human.  I envision them being as agile as rock and tree climbing goats and just slightly larger.  The unicorns run over and play in some nearby trees then disappear into the woods. 
Background music is playing and about twenty patrons are hanging around a pool table and at the bar drinking bottles of beer.  Show at least seven or eight distinctly large beer bellies.  Also show particular focus shots on CHARLIE the bartender and EARL the hunter.  Then show two unicorns furtively looking in through the window.
The two unicorns come around the corner and lift their noses to the enticing scent of beer.  They track it to a stack of several cases of empty beer bottles and start sniffing excitedly.  One uses its horn to open the top box and they pick out two half full bottles with their teeth.  They lift them into the air and suck out every drop.  They leap around then start licking the bottles and using their teeth to lift more bottles straight up into the air to empty the remnants down their throats. 
The unicorns are quite inebriated and leaping around in a mess of bottles and shredded boxes.  They each spear an empty beer bottle onto their horns and smash them in a play sword fight.  They are having a drunken blast.  They smash several bottles in this manner and snicker and giggle with broken glass everywhere.  Charlie the bartender comes out with a bag of trash and sees the unicorns standing in the mess.
What the holy crap!
The unicorns hop and run into the trees behind the bar.
Charlie re enters from the rear.  His expression belies his deep shock.  Earl is sitting at the end of the bar.
I don’t believe what I just saw!
You do look spooked.  Did you see a vampire sinking fangs into a werewolf?
Not quite but you’re not far off!  I think I just saw two unicorns!
You need to stop drinking the gin.  The elderberries are scrambling your brains and your eyesight.
Perhaps, but there is a large mess of broken beer bottles out back and I just walked out to see two very colorful waist high horse like creatures picking up empty beer bottles with the horns protruding from their foreheads and smashing them as if they were play sword fighting.
EARL (stands up)
I’m going hunting later this morning and want to get a couple hours of sleep beforehand.  I’ll see you tomorrow. 
Keep an eye out for unicorns.  Their horns look dangerous but if you were able to bag one I’m sure the horn would be worth a fortune.
I’ll keep that in mind if you keep this in mind: beware the elderberries.  Good night, Charlie.
Earl has a can of beer in his hand and is quietly picking his way through the trees with his rifle at the ready.  The hunter spies several unicorns. 
Oh my God!  Charlie was right!
Earl aims the rifle and fires.  He hits a unicorn, who bleeds and drops.  Earl rushes from hiding to inspect the kill.  As Earl reaches what he supposes to be a carcass, one of the other unicorns appears and gently touches his horn to the bullet hole in the wounded unicorn’s breast.  The wound magically heals.  The healed unicorn stands up and with several others that appear they surround Earl, who is terrified.  The one he shot is particularly angry, and fierce, and charges at Earl and gores his beer belly.  Earl crashes to the ground and the unicorns immediately start feasting on the beer and blood that is gushing from his mountainous stomach.  One of the unicorns grasps Earl’s half finished can of beer in his lips and tips it up.  He then rejoins the feeding frenzy.  


Wednesday, March 7, 2018



Robert Charest
5514 13th Ave S
Gulfport, FL 33707
(727) 310-1928


BA in English and Music
Honors College with Departmental Honors awarded
Southern Connecticut State University
New Haven, Connecticut


-- I worked during and after high school and college in Durham and New Haven, Connecticut, in bars and restaurants including Time Out Tavern, The Greenery, The Yale Graduate’s Club and Archie Moore’s.

-- In 1994 I moved to New Orleans, where I tended bar and served at Houlihans on Bourbon Street.

-- In 1995 I moved to Austin, Texas, where I tended bar and served at The Tavern, Air Conditioned, from March of 1996 until May of 1997.

-- In 1997 I moved back to Connecticut, where I tended bar and served at Cornerstones in Middletown, Connecticut from August 1997 until August 1998.

-- In 2000 I began working for Brinker Restaurants.  I served and tended bar at On The Border in Rocky Hill, Connecticut from March of 2000 until March 2003, when I transferred to On The Border in Orange, Connecticut.

-- In October 2003 I moved to Florida, and transferred within Brinker Restaurants to Chili’s in Largo, Florida.

-- From 2004 through 2010 I worked at a couple of places in and around St. Pete Beach, including Shell's and Sam Seltzer's Steakhouse.

-- From December 2008 until Mother's Day 2012, and again in the spring of 2015, I tended bar and served during the winter season at Carino’s Italian CaffĂ©, a fine dining restaurant on St. Pete Beach.  At Carino's I was also responsible for liquor and wine inventory, as well as general front of the house duties.   I am still welcome to return to work there any time.

-- In 2010 I started at Mama Leone's on Hampton Beach, New Hampshire.  Mama Leone's was a casual high volume Italian beach restaurant where I served tables and tended bar.  They were open from mid May till Columbus Day weekend.   I worked there for eight seasons, concluding my run when the restaurant permanently closed after the 2017 season.

-- In 2013 and 2014 I worked the winter season at The Lobster Pot in Redington Shores.  A few weeks after I had been invited back to work the 2015 season the restaurant permanently closed.


Connie Peddle was the manager who hired me at Carino's in 2008.  We are still friends.  She can be reached at (727) 519-8833

Danielle Kooyoomjian was a manager and co-worker at Mama Leone’s.  We are still friends.  She can be reached at (603) 394-5036 

Alisia Nicholson was the manager who hired me at the Lobster Pot.  We are still friends.  She can be reached at (727) 768 1665

I can furnish additional references upon request.


Speaking about myself in the restaurant workplace, I don’t drink or smoke, I am always professional and punctual and I haven’t missed a shift since 2012, and even then I was literally unable to rise from bed.  I have worked in six different states and have experience ranging from neighborhood sports tavern to several years of fine dining.  I am equally adept on the floor and behind the bar and excellent with big parties. If you hire me I put myself at your disposal and am willing to work six and seven days throughout season.

In the restaurant I am very big on team work and treating my co-workers with mutual respect.  I am very polite and friendly to everyone and full of ‘please’ and ‘thank yous’ when interacting with coworkers.  Since I could never work in a kitchen or as a host, I have especial respect for they who do jobs I could not, and whose jobs are necessary to me doing mine and having one in the first place.  I am hardwired to be in a good mood every day, and since we are in the hospitality business I like to keep the atmosphere light and drama free.  I am quick witted and entertaining to have around; I have a sharp tongue and definitely generate some laughter.  I have an excellent memory and like to get to know my guests by their first names, especially the regulars.  I am friendly, interesting, funny and provide excellent service, and over time I get a lot of guests coming in requesting my section in every restaurant I’ve worked in.  That's not braggadocio it's simply the truth.  At Mama Leone's I got more call parties than the rest of the staff combined.  
I once saved a manager's life when he had a heart attack at 6:30 during dinner service on a Sunday night.  He had a massive heart attack and collapsed just inside the front door.  His face turned grey and purple and was foaming, and I did chest compressions while a retired cop who was dining there performed respiratory for four eternal minutes until paramedics arrived.  I speak decent Spanish and write novels which are described on my website: 

Monday, June 5, 2017

What Isaiah Thinks of Pharisee Phil and his Phony Conservative 'Christian' Friends

Speaking of Isaiah, have you ever read the book, Pharisee Phil…man of God…holy holy holy?  I just read it again and saw you and your friends all over the place in there and it ain’t pretty. 

Pharisee Phil supports conservative rulers who loudly proclaim themselves Christians but are liars who do the opposite of the LORD’s commands: self-righteous phonies who claim that cutting health care, housing, food and services for the poor like Jesus, hungry and needy children, our veterans and the disabled to provide more money for the mammon worshiping millionaires are Christian works.   That lie is BACKWARDS.
“Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they have forsaken the Lord, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward.” Isaiah  1:4
Pharisee Phil…man of God…holy holy holy…highly reveres the pagan holidays of Christmas and Easter and publicly praises evil men for their vain reverence of those ‘sacred’ days, and presses on celebrating them despite the fact that doing so makes God nauseous and is in blatant disregard of God’s word through Isaiah.
“Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.” Isaiah 1:14
Pharisee Phil…man of God…holy holy holy…prays for I know not what.  First he expresses support for the Trump administration but then turns around five minutes later and says he disagrees with everything they are doing.  If a man of God…holy holy holy…disagrees with everything some people are doing, then they must be doing evil, and yet recognizing that Pharisee Phil still supports them?  I don’t understand that but I do see where God clearly expresses his answer to Pharisee Phil’s prayers for bloody ‘God Bless Amerikkka’ through Isaiah. 
“And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood.
Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;
Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.”  Isaiah 1: 15-17
And yet Pharisee Phil supports the conservative rulers who make us a bloody nation, who proudly wear their evil on their sleeves and rub them in God’s face; the rulers who pervert judgment, oppress the poor like Jesus, and who steal from orphans, other needy children and widows to silver line their coffers (and eternal coffins).
One of the things Isaiah would certainly find most contemptible about Pharisee Phil is that he was an orphan.  When my mother was a little girl she started telling my grandparents that she wanted a brother so when Pharisee Phil was five or six my grandparents welcomed him and his three siblings (along with another aunt of mine) into their home and raised them in conjunction with New York City foster care services.  This, of course, required financial assistance from the government (which similar government assistance was required when my grandmother herself was orphaned as a baby) so one would think Pharisee Phil would be passionate about providing those services for the many orphans like himself and the mother who took him in and who will always be with us, and yet for whatever bizarre reason Pharisee Phil aligns himself with evil rulers like Paul Ryan, another who was less fortunate as a child and relied heavily on government programs for sustenance in his childhood and for his education and who now thinks nothing of pulling the rug from under those with the identical needs who came after him.  Ryan is the poster child for shameless hypocrite, and yet similarly, Pharisee Phil supports the Paul Ryans who take money from orphans and feed it to the evil rich (who in truth are destitute).
“Thy princes are rebellious, and companions of thieves: every one loveth gifts, and followeth after rewards: they judge not the FATHERLESS, neither doth the cause of the widow come unto them.”  Isaiah 1:23
Pharisee Phil’s evil conservative rulers hate poor people like Jesus and are constantly squeezing every possible penny from them—the latest is 850 billion in cuts to Medicaid services along with depriving 23 million people of affordable health care—and Isaiah clearly expresses God’s contempt and disgust.
“…ye have eaten up the vineyard; the spoil of the poor is in your houses.
 What mean ye that ye beat my people to pieces, and grind the faces of the poor? saith the Lord God of hosts.”  Isaiah 3:14-15
Pharisee Phil wears this absolutely hideous, gaudy, jewel encrusted gold mafioso thug life bada pinky ring that I’ve always thought was grotesque and very unbecoming of a man of God…holy holy holy…and worn in spite of God’s clearly expressed derision of such trifling vanities.
“In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon,
The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers,
The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings,
The rings, and nose jewels,
The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins,
 The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.” Isaiah 3:18-23
And inasmuch as ‘covetousness is idolatry’, if God does indeed view Pharisee’s Phil’s bodacious bada jewel encrusted gold ring as an idol, then Isaiah speaks to that too.
 In that day a man shall cast his idols of silver, and his idols of gold, which they made each one for himself to worship, to the moles and to the bats.”  Isaiah 2:20
And look here in Isaiah where we find Pharisee Phil and the phony Christians who claim to glorify the Lord by doing the opposite of his commands.
“And he said, Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not.
 Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.”  Isaiah 6:9-10
After the eloquent prophecies about the virgin birth and coming of the Lord in chapter 7, Isaiah goes on to describe Jesus and His government in chapter 9.
 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
 Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even forever.” Isaiah 9:16-17
We are shown a very clear example of how Christ taught the apostles and disciples to govern themselves in Acts of the Apostles.
“And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.” Acts 2:44-45
The Jesus government is also known as ‘socialism,’ which conservatives hate to their own destruction—at least according to Isaiah.  The reason Pharisee Phil’s fellow conservatives at Fox DESPISE socialism is because they are evil and socialism is good.
 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!”  Isaiah 5:20
And the next three verses conveniently describe the phony Christian conservative politicians and lobbyists exchanging bribes on the cocktail circuit while turning America into a 21st century Sodom—320 million strong and growing.
 Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!
 Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink:
Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him!” Isaiah 5: 21-24
And look here, where God speaks through Isaiah yet again about the poor like Jesus, the needy, and specifically ORPHANS!  It is obviously really important to Him yet somehow Pharisee Phil empowers the despicable rulers who ROB orphans.  How will you explain that ugly part of your hardened heart to God, Pharisee Phil?
“Woe unto them that decree unrighteous decrees, and that write grievousness which they have prescribed;
To turn aside the needy from judgment, and to take away the right from the poor of my people, that widows may be their prey, and that they may rob the FATHERLESS!”  Isaiah 10: 1-2
Pharisee Phil’s fellow conservatives and the phony Christians at Fox that Pharisee Phil praises also hate liberals.  And yet Isaiah plainly states that liberals are good and churls (an antiquated word that perfectly describes conservatives) are evil.
“The vile person shall be no more called liberal, nor the churl said to be bountiful.
For the vile person will speak villainy, and his heart will work iniquity, to practice hypocrisy, and to utter error against the Lord, to make empty the soul of the hungry, and he will cause the drink of the thirsty to fail.
 The instruments also of the churl are evil: he deviseth wicked devices to destroy the poor with lying words, even when the needy speaketh right.
 But the liberal deviseth liberal things; and by liberal things shall he stand.” Isaiah 32: 5-8
Jesus is the most liberal man who ever lived—He healed them all and fed them all before laying his life down for his friends.  Liberal works like those of Jesus are described in detail later in Isaiah.
“Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?
 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?
Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.”  Isaiah 58:6-8
But God and Jesus see right through whited sepulcher phony conservatives, as we know from this verse from Isaiah, which was so important to Jesus that He incorporated it into the gospel.
“Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men.”  Isaiah 29:13.
So how will you explain your part in denying orphans who followed you the same blessing that saved your life, Pharisee Phil?  What words will you use to tell God that it was righteous to deprive orphans of what is their right in order to feed millionaires and billionaires money they’ll never spend?  I imagine you’ll do a lot of stammering. 
Isaiah is absolutely LOADED with denunciations of phony conservative Christians.  Would you like me to use the 'sharp sword' to whip up parts 2, 3 and 4?

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Donald Trump Antichrist

Donald Trump Antichrist
A few years back I wrote a piece called George Bush Antichrist.  This sequel came to mind for obvious reasons.  I am merely going to juxtapose Trump’s stated positions and quotes with the biblical antithesis.
First of all, the biblical definition of antichrist:  the word appears five times in the Bible, all five uses of the word appear in the epistles of John, and as of their composition in the first century John said that there were many antichrists already in the world.  (An incidental side note:  nowhere in the Bible does it say that there will come THE Antichrist.  The word never appears in Revelation, where the devil is described by many names—the beast, the great dragon, the old serpent and Satan--but never as The Antichrist.  Nor does such a character appear anywhere in the Bible, only in bizarre fiction very loosely based on the Bible.)
‘Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.’  1 John 2:22
Trump only ever claimed to be a Christian after he was running for president and he gives the occasional phony public show surrounded by false prophets praying over him, but Trump lies constantly, his self-professed Christianity being just another example of his mendacity.  If he were actually Christian he would heed the Lord and promise to govern according to biblical values.  Instead at every turn he does the OPPOSITE of what the Lord commands because Trump is an antichrist.
The Bible says ‘you cannot serve God and money’; that ‘the love of money is the root of all evil’; and that ‘covetousness is idolatry’
Trump is a money worshiping idolater who would charge God full price if He wanted to spend a night in Trump’s tower.
And while ‘God is love’, Trump has directed some of his evil, boundless hatred toward Mexicans and wants to unleash a deportation force to remove 11 million undocumented immigrants.
‘But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.’  Leviticus 19:34
Those same immigrants pay billions in taxes while Trump games the rigged system and pays NOTHING.
‘Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.’  Romans 13:7
As to all the workers and contractors Trump has screwed over the years.
‘Woe unto him that buildeth his house by unrighteousness, and his chambers by wrong; that useth his neighbour's service without wages, and giveth him not for his work;
That saith, I will build me a wide house and large chambers, and cutteth him out windows; and it is cieled with cedar, and painted with vermilion.’  Jeremiah 22:13-14
As to his repeatedly public incestuous lusts for his daughter Ivanka, that’s as obvious as ‘thou shalt not kill’ yet the Bible still makes it clear.
‘None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord.’  Leviticus 18:6
It is clear that this is going to be a long list…I can go on and on and on….
Trump wants to do away with the Affordable Care Act, which would deprive 20 million people of health insurance.  Yet Jesus would implement single payer because Jesus healed everyone who came to him, and not just his fellow Jews but foreigners also--Romans, Greeks, Syrians, Samaritans and people in Judaea and Decapolis.
‘And the whole multitude sought to touch him: for there went virtue out of him, and healed them all.’  Luke 6:19
If Trump did rape a thirteen year old girl as he is accused and will likely be answering the charge in court then that is one of the worst atrocities a human can commit; and if he is innocent of those allegations it is still safe to say he has exploited child labor in Mexico and China and wherever else to make his ties and clothing, wherefore Jesus’ stern warning about harming children applies to Trump in any event.
‘But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.’  Matthew 18:6
Trump has promised to “bomb the shit out of them” (whoever they are).
 ‘But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.’  Matthew 5:44-45
Trump has also promised to kill terrorists’ families.
‘Fathers shall not be put to death for their sons, nor shall sons be put to death for their fathers; everyone shall be put to death for his own sin.’  Deuteronomy 24:16
Trump also plans to use torture, and said, “I’d bring back a helluva lot worse than waterboarding.”
 ‘Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways.’  Proverbs 3:31
As to ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’, we can only speculate how many times over Trump is an adulterer, although we know he was carrying on an affair with his second wife while still married to his first.
Trump once said, “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”
Jesus said, ‘But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation.’ Luke 6:24
Trump also said, “The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else’s problems.  Thank you.  It’s true.”
 ‘Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.’ 
Matthew 25:34-36
Remember when Trump called poor people morons?  Remember how on 9/11 Trump bragged about having the tallest building in lower Manhattan?  One slick verse indicts Trump on both counts.
‘Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his Maker: and he that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished.’  Proverbs 17:5
Trump used his faux charitable foundation to bribe the attorney generals of Florida and Texas who, in exchange for $25,000 and $35,000 donations to their campaigns, dropped their investigations into allegations of fraud against Trump University.
‘The wicked accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the ways of justice.’  Proverbs 17:23
Trump claims to be Christian but is endorsed by the KKK and supported by racists everywhere because he is a fellow racist.
‘If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?’  1 John 4:20
And two verses earlier the Bible addresses the endless stream of hate and fear mongering that is the hallmark of Trump’s campaign.
‘There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.’  1 John 4:18
Trump is a pathological liar whose tongue can outpace a team of fact checkers.  God abhors liars, and these 101 Trump lies are but a proverbially drop in the bucket….
 ‘These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.’  Proverbs 6:16-19
In fact, Trump not only can claim just about all of the above in the above verses from Proverbs, he can do the same in the one below that describes his ultimate fate of skinny dipping in flames before catching a Dancing Antichrists show from a VIP table at the Devil’s latest hot spot.
 ‘But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.’  Revelation 21:8
And that’s just the tip of the berg.  I’ll be working on volumes 2 through 150 in the run up to election day.

Monday, March 21, 2016

The Pillow Talk Novellas by Robert Charest

THE PILLOW TALK NOVELLAS are three novellas comprising 100,000+ words.  The plots of the three novellas are completely unrelated.  However, the novellas are thematically linked by several commonalities:  all three focus on the psycho sexual dynamics of intensely entangled lovers; all three contain lengthy dialogues that take place in bed (thus the title); all three are set in New York and/or Connecticut, and contain numerous scenes set in Manhattan; all three end in murder; and all three are loaded with dialogue and would translate nicely to film.  Follow the links to read the opening of each novella.

 The Biographer is the story of a sixty year old retired jewel thief named Sid who hires a beautiful forty year old woman named Callie to write his biography.   In bragging about his life of crime she reveals her own criminal past, and they become romantically involved and rob a jewelry store together.  He falls in love while she uses sex to coerce the location of his hidden cache of treasure.

The Guns is the story of young newlyweds Lenny and Marilyn who move to New Haven, Connecticut, where Marilyn has been hired as an English professor at Yale University.  Lenny is a journalist who aspires to write fiction, and when he is offered a contract to produce a mystery novel and encounters writer’s block, he buys a gun for inspiration.

Dear Madam Gilda is set in Brooklyn and Manhattan and tells the story of a professional poker player named Bruno who falls in love with Gilda, the madam of an exclusive New York City ‘escort’ service.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

The Biographer Opening

Here follows the opening of The Biographer, one of my Pillow Talk Novellas.  The Biographer tells the story of Sidney Zeller, a jack of all trades and retired jewel thief and Callie Atherton, the much younger and beautiful writer Sidney hires to write his biography, and with whom he falls in love.


As he was convinced it had always shaped the course of his affairs, Sidney Zeller was certain fate would bring him the right biographer to write it all down.  He had at last reached a place in life where he had the time and space to sit with an author and tell his story, so he took out a simple ad in the newspaper, and contacted a local publisher who furnished him with the names of several established Westport area authors who might consider collaboration or ghost writing.  From these responses and phone calls he arranged three interviews for the same weekend.
The first was a woman named Callie Atherton who visited his home on Friday evening.  She was a striking brunette about forty.  She comported herself with assured self confidence; yet also with the casual nonchalance of a free spirit.  She was neatly and attractively dressed, and carried an expensive designer leather handbag.  Sidney had difficulty forming a first impression other than that he found her strikingly beautiful.
He was hale and rugged with a full head of coarse brown hair and a face that looked a decade younger than his sixty years.  He had taken care of himself throughout his life, with diet and maintained activity, and was muscular and thin and still projected masculinity. 
After introductions and a handshake, Callie held his fingers for a moment in the tips of hers, and said: “I’m surprised to find such a good looking man.”
“I’m never surprised and always pleased to meet a beautiful woman,” he answered. 
They sized each other up with their eyes and then took a seat on the verandah, where he had already prepared a tea set.  He offered her a cup, and she bluntly stated:  “I know this is forward, but I’d rather a glass of wine if you have any.  I’m not a big drinker, but I do find that one glass sets a warm mood and softens inhibitions when making acquaintance with someone new.  If you would join me it would be ever better.”
“Let’s have a glass of wine then,” he said, rising back to his feet.  He fetched a nice bottle of Malbec and two crystal goblets, opened and poured out the wine.  “Just one for me too,” he emphasized; “I enjoy partaking, but strive for moderation.”
They looked each other in the eye, smiled, toasted and sipped.  “Now,” he continued, controlling the conversation, “tell me about your writing.”
She wet her tongue with a small sip of wine then spoke.  “I have written a variety of books at varying stages of completion.  This weekend I will complete the last edits of the final draft of my first novel, which I will deliver to my publisher on Monday.”
“Impressive,” Sidney observed.  “What is it called and what is it about?”
“It’s called The Wandering Widow Maker, and was inspired by the year I spent with Romanian gypsies.  It’s about an American woman in Eastern Europe who possesses certain qualities that drive gypsy men wild.  She has no control that they hurl themselves at her, and several die mysteriously in their efforts to win her attention.”
Sidney was already engrossed, and said: “Very interesting.  And were you such a woman that this inspired you?”
“Something like that,” Callie answered.  “It is fiction.”  She reached into her bag and withdrew a book, which she handed to him.  “The Wandering Widow Maker is my second book; this is my first.  It is an account of the year I spent working in a whorehouse in Thailand.  I wasn’t actually one of the girls—I manned the desk and managed the rooms.  I was hired for my English; a lot of the clients were American and British men, and the clients from other countries spoke enough English to describe their needs.  I self-published this edition, but it was upon reading this that my publisher offered me a small advance for my upcoming novel.  You may keep that copy; peruse it as a writing sample.”
Sidney took the book and looked down at the title:  Bangkok Brothel.  “Thank you, I’m intrigued.  I’ll start reading it tomorrow.  How did you find your way to such a place?”
“When I was twenty I had a boyfriend.  We were a couple for a couple years; we got along really well, had great fun together and were genuinely happy.  One night he took me out for a romantic dinner and then a walk around a moonlit lake, where he got on one knee, asked for my hand and offered me a ring.  If I were going to marry, he was the perfect guy.  But as I stood there with the huge moon beaming behind him, I experienced a profound movement in my heart.  It was a moment of epiphany.  I dreaded my life as I knew it ending, and growing to rely on someone else, and soon thereafter having children rely on me.  So with tears in my eyes, and uttering words that I shocked myself to speak, I told him ‘no’ and ‘goodbye,’ and went off to experience the world.  I’ve worked in a number of different professions, and experienced daily life in quite a few different cultures, Bangkok being one.  But enough about my life—what about yours?  What has been so interesting about your life that I should devote a few weeks or months of mine writing about it?”
“Well, to dispense with my family history, I’ve been married four times--twice to the same woman, who was my second and is my current wife.  We have a son and a daughter in college,” Sid explained.  “My wife’s name is Lily, and right now she’s in Vermont caring for her ailing mother.  That gives me a little time to myself, and we agreed it’s a good time for me to start work on my biography.  As to whether my life is worthy of retelling, others will judge that when I am done, although I’ve always fantasized that the opening line simply be:  His name was Sidney Zeller and he was a most extraordinary man.  Ha, ha!  Actually I was similar to you.  I’ve worked in a number of professions throughout my years, from soldier to police officer, from alarm installer to banker.  I’ve gained and lost fortunes, and I’ve done it from the west coast to the east, at home and abroad.  It is such a string of stories I intend to recount, and you, having lived similarly, might make a most empathetic scribe.”
“I just might,” she suggested.  “My level of empathy rises and falls in remarkable conjunction with my pay.  Just how much would you want me to empathize?”  She looked straight into his eyes, then softened her gaze with a slight, seductive smile.
He returned the piercing eyes and answered: “I haven’t settled upon a specific pay rate yet.  I’m interviewing two more potential authors this weekend, and I was planning to take everything from there.”
She swallowed the last gulp of her wine and rose up.  “And I am interviewing two more life stories this weekend, and following that will be weighing all offers, options and other considerations.  Read my book and give me a call if you’re interested in my talents and can make a more financially specific proposal, and I’ll let you know if I’m still interested and available at that time.  It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zeller.”
She left suddenly, and from the window he watched her every movement until she was gone from view.  Then he sat down and opened her book.  After about an hour he took a break, phoned the two other prospective authors and canceled their appointments, then returned to Bangkok Brothel and stayed up late into the night until he finished.
Meanwhile Callie had lied—there were no other prospective writing gigs.  She very much wanted a paying writing job, and was hoping her self confidence and her sensuality would hold sway in his decision, and returned home to work on her novel while waiting in the hope that he’d call.


And he did call, Monday morning early.  He tried to sound formal.  “Good morning, Callie.  It’s Sidney Zeller.  I would like you to write my book, and have come up with a specific pay scale.  I will pay you two thousand dollars simply to have dinner with me tonight and listen to my offer.  If you like it, we’ll move forward; and if not, we’ll part ways right then.”
She desperately wanted the money and was delighted, but remained coy.  “Is that dinner at your home or a restaurant?”
“I was thinking of a restaurant, but whatever you like.”
“I would rather a nice restaurant,” she replied.
“Do you have a preference?” he asked.
“I like the Dressing Room on Powers Court,” she answered.  “Do you know it?”
“I do,” he answered.  “There, eight o’clock, tonight?”
“I’ll see you there and then.”
She had a little trouble deciding what to wear, whether conservative and professional, to portray the writer; or dressed up and alluring, to ply her feminine charms.  In the end she settled on an attractive blue cocktail dress that in her mind enabled her to do both.  She was punctual and he waiting; he rose to greet her and held her chair.  Once seated with pleasantries exchanged, Sid took hold of the bottle of wine that was there and said:  “One glass, correct?  Would you like that now or would you rather wait?”
“You can pour it now,” she said.
He did, then smiled and continued. 
“I took the liberty of ordering for the both of us, and instructed the waiter to begin service a few minutes after your arrival.  I’ve read Bangkok Brothel and want you to write my biography.”
“What did you think of my book?” she inquired with sincere curiosity.
“Who knew so much went on behind the scenes at a brothel?  The few times I ever went all I saw was whores and door keys and dirty rooms.”
“Well, these women do have lives—boyfriends, husbands and children—and dramas that spill into the work place.  It was quite the soap opera at times,” Callie explained.
“You have an excellent way with words, and of storytelling, and I’d like you to be my biographer.”
“Two thousand up front entices,” she remarked.  “What are the rest of the terms?”
He removed an envelope from his jacket and handed it across the table.  “There is that—two thousand dollars.  Thank you for coming.  For further payment I have two options to offer you.  The first is one thousand dollars cash per chapter, payable as they are completed.  I envision thirty five or forty chapters of no longer than ten or fifteen pages.  If you can do even two or three a week, that’s handsome recompense for an aspiring novelist.  If you’d rather be paid by the page or the word, I can accommodate that as well.”
She clutched the envelope, looked at him and smiled, then placed it in her purse.  “That’s worth considering,” she answered.  “What is my second option?”
“That is for you to work on spec: twenty percent of everything I ever make with the book,” he explained.  “You can even start working for a thousand dollars a chapter, and if at any time you decide you like the potential, you can opt in for the percentage, which will be adjusted accordingly by the number of chapters written for cash.”
“I am here now, and everything is on the table, as it were,” she said.  “So why don’t you give me an idea of chapter one?  Give me an idea of what I would be getting into.”
He wasn’t expecting that, and paused a moment.  “Very well,” he finally assented.  “I plan to start chapter one with my enlistment in the military on my eighteenth birthday.  My childhood was uneventful, and the few memorable moments were the ones that shaped my adulthood, and those anecdotes will be incorporated as I describe the events they influenced.”
“Interesting,” she replied with pique.  “Do tell.”
“I was born a military brat,” he continued.  “I had no siblings, and spent my childhood hopping from base to base, never staying long enough to form real relationships and friendships.  It’s a tired story that need not be retold, which is why I want the book to start with my enlistment.  I subconsciously resented my parents for bringing me up in so unstable an environment, and without brothers or sisters or friends, and by the time I was eighteen I wanted away from them.  Ironic as it was, enlisting seemed to be my only escape, and all I could think to do.  Well, I also joined because I was young and angry and I liked to fight; but at a time when most of my peers were going to college, getting deferments and protesting, I volunteered the very day I was able, and started channeling my rage into blind hatred of the Vietnamese people—for no good reason, I must add—in preparation to killing them.”
“I befriended a guy in my outfit, his name was Vern.  He was both the best friend and brother that I had never had.  We were together nearly every minute of every day, and watched over each other like hawks.  After we got into combat, I noticed Vern slowly losing his grip.  One day he recovered a small money belt from an American soldier who had died near him on the field.  He didn’t tell anybody but me, and called the money belt ‘Hinky’s billfold’—Hinky being the dead soldier he’d recovered it from.  It contained about thirty five hundred in twenties and fifties; he usually wore it under his shirt, but whenever we went into battle he wore it around his neck outside his uniform, like a necklace, so that if he did die in battle someone else could easily retrieve it.  He also talked about his plans for the money, to go home and marry his girl and make a down payment on a house.
“One day Vern snapped.  I was staring right at him the very moment his eyes popped like spent bulbs.  We had gotten separated from our company during some bombing and wandered into a village.  Vern started shooting up everyone in sight—women and children and animals.  His rampage triggered something inside me; and I couldn’t stand the slaughter any longer.  I followed him into a hut where Vern waved his gun and menaced a terrified woman and her two small screaming children into a corner.  I knew his mind was broken, and he was gone, so I drew my gun and pretended to be giving him cover.  Then I noticed ‘Hinky’s billfold’ hanging from his neck, and I coveted it. 
“I still don’t know what made me pull that trigger—to save the innocents or to steal the money—but I did pull it.  I tell myself to this day it was to save those helpless people, but the first thing I did, after making sure Vern was dead, was to pocket ‘Hinkey’s billfold’; only then did I reach out and comfort the woman and her children by assuring them they were safe.  It was awkward, and I quickly thought it best to remove my gun and myself from their presence, and so I ran into the jungle, where I promptly sat down and counted the money before returning to my company and reporting that Vern had been shot and killed by a Vietnamese soldier using what I thought was a stolen American weapon.”
Callie was rapt.  “So what happened after that?” she almost whispered.
“Not much,” he answered.  “I was almost done with my tour, and while I’d planned on re enlisting, following that afternoon I accepted my honorable discharge and returned home, where I opened a bank account with ‘Hinky’s billfold’ and went to work.”
“That’s an awful story,” she sadly said.
“That’s the horror of war,” he replied.  “Anyway, may I ask about you?”
Her face changed.  “Ask me anything you want, and I’ll tell you what I like,” she mischievously offered.
“What did you do when you were eighteen?” he asked, seizing the opening.
“I had that boyfriend I told you about,” she explained.  “I was reared in a repressed Christian home, and he was the one they wanted me to marry, and I thought I loved him, but the moment I denied his proposal I felt relieved and released from it all.  I said goodbye then turned and went wild.  I sought out the bad boys and started running with them.  I also started dabbling with drinking and shoplifting, and got a tattoo and did various things for money.  Not my body, mind you, but I was open to just about anything else.”
He was very intrigued, and said so.  “How long did that go on?”
“For a year or so, till I was twenty one,” she explained.  “That’s when I came into a large sum of money and took off for Europe.  Anyway, I don’t mean to sound callous or cold, but what else do we have to discuss tonight?  I have to get back to my husband.”
He was shocked, and unable to conceal his surprise.  “You’re married?  I didn’t know that.”
“You didn’t ask,” she rejoined.
“But you don’t wear a ring,” he observed.
“So you looked,” she observed.  “I thought I caught your eye gazing at my ring finger.  My husband and I are separated.  It’s a trial, though we’ve both removed our rings.  But I do have to get home so he can leave the house.  We have a sick dog he’s watching while I’m here with you.”
Sid was completely off guard.  “By all means, once you’ve made your decision please let me know and I’ll consider the two thousand fairly earned.”

“I can tell you my decision right now,” she replied.  “I’ll write your book for the one thousand dollar per chapter offer for now, and as we progress I’ll let you know if I decide to switch to your proposed royalty schedule.  If you have more stories like the one you just told me, I imagine that possibility will become a serious consideration.”  She rose and thanked him for dinner, told him she’d call when she had something written and left.