Monday, August 16, 2010

The Congressman and The Lepers


Miracle Number Three -- Jesus Heals Ten Lepers

Luke 17:12-19 And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off: And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us. And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.

And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan. And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?

The nine in question had fled into the nearby hills, where they were accosted by a strange man. His flesh was orange, and he waved what looked like a rapier with a knobbed tip. “You must be the groundskeepers,” he said. “Have you seen a top flite four? I’ve been spraying my three wood all day.”

“Ay, Diablo!” one of the lepers cried, and they cowered in fear.

The man introduced himself. “Congressman John Boehner, eighth district, Ohio. Say, you guys look awfully pale considering you work in the sun. Have you ever considered artificial pigmentation techniques?”

They shrunk further away as another one said: “Diablo! Es Diablo!”

Congressman Boehner pulled some business cards out of a cigarette pack and offered them to the lepers. “Give me a call, I can help. I have a great tanning booth. It’s Brazilian. I bought it when Obama implemented that idiotic tanning tax. I’ll cut you a deal. And if you’re in a real hurry I’ve got some dynamite spray on products.”

The lepers cried out “Diablo!” again then turned and ran back toward Jesus.

Boehner pulled a ball out of his pocket, dropped it on the ground, propped it up on a good lie, then whacked it with a seven iron onto the green.

“I wonder if those guys were illegals,” he pondered aloud, then answered himself. “Naw, too white.”